AMIDST THE ZILLION STARS…

by Umm Sa'ad

You may as well wonder who would be there…amidst the zillion stars…aliens, new life…new planet…new creatures.

‘Well’! Even "we" are amidst this wide universe, particularly "me", I would say. By the grace of my Lord…I am no less than being amidst, light and light…love and love…stars and stars…zillions of stars…heaven...heaven…this life…(God willing)…that life…(God willing) every life…

we never realize the value of what we have…until the time is over and we fin we have lost more than what we found.

I was about to lose too, more than, I could bear, but by, my Lord’s grace, I didn’t. it was just one step away, my destruction, but I realized things before that…

I was surviving in Baghdad, then. I returned home very rarely! I hated to go back home in India. Our community is a very religious one, missing a single prayer is considered irreligious and disrespectful. I didn’t like so much of restrictions my parents, scolded me because I was so diverted. I have two sisters and one very small brother. My sisters are religious too but as I am elder and returned home very rarely they never told me anything and I did really love them, specially my younger sister because she is very cute.

After the Afghan invasion, the threats of Iraq had increased and the military action to be taken was declared. I was worried, of course, but my parents were out of their wit. They just wanted me back at any cost. I didn’t think things would be getting any serious. I didn’t even think of the cause of my parents worry. "They just scold me", that was only what I was thinking about, I never tried to realize what made them scold me. it was their hidden love for me…their concern…their fear of losing me…

When all the flights were closed, I knew that I should have gone, but it was too late. I was, now trapped in the war zone. The war started and bombs dropped everywhere, even close by our apartment, which I shared with my friend. We both would just lie close together, knowing not, when something would come crashing down on us. That was, when the attack on Baghdad started, but as days passed we got used to it. I didn’t receive any news about my family neither was I able to contact any one. I knew then, how desperately I needed them. How much they meant to me. I had always thought them burden, and a hell of a people to be with, but it was only then that I realized that I had come from a heaven into this hell, where every time, every minute some people were crying or mourning.

The electricity in our area had been cut, but things weren’t very bad with us. We managed without it. The days of the fall of the Iraqi rule were very long and dreadful; they got over…slowly and painfully. At that time, we thought things would get better, but nothing did!

My friend and I we both slept till late that day and didn’t go for work that day! We didn’t have much work anyway! We somehow managed to keep our tummies satisfied. We were both in our pajamas when the door started thudding with knocks. My friend got up first and shouted to make them quiet. There was a short silence and we changed our clothes and came out. When we opened the door, the American soldiers stood eyeing both of us.

They didn’t’ tell us why or what but just asked us to come along. We had questioned them a lot but they refused to say us anything. We didn’t’ have any problem in going along; we hadn’t done anything, any way!

When we reached, I don’t know, some place, their headquarter or something, an officer, I think, as he looked form his dress and way of speech asked me some questions and refused to believe me when I said

I was an Indian. I did whatever I could to convince him but he didn’t agree. He just said the soldiers to lock us till given the orders to free us. While letting us into the prisons we were informed that we were accused of being agents of Saddam. My friend was a Yemeni. He has pleaded desperately. I didn’t plead. I knew they wouldn’t listen. I just said that I didn’t have any contact with Saddam. I told that I was innocent and sooner or later they would come to know of it. After that our hands were tied back, we were blindfolded and led to somewhere and locked up. I tried hard to open my blindfold, but it wasn’t possible. They just came once a day to take me to the toilet. Food was served once in two days, or some times once a day. I don’t know how I had spent those days. I think I just lived memories then. I realized my faults. How wrong I had been towards my family, especially my parents…towards my God. Those days I prayed a lot. My tongue would not stop reciting God’s names. I realized so many things in the prison and one lat thing that I realized in the prison was that I had lost all that I had just found. I was to be imprisoned forever.

It was another foolish mistake of mine. I knew my prayers would be heard but I didn’t have faith in them. But my lord is All-merciful, All-knowing. He gave me a last chance, last chance to warn others of my mistake… a last chance not to repeat my mistakes again.

I don’t still know how what exactly happened, but a soldier came and escorted me t the officer. My hands and wyes were set free, and he just told me that I could go, and preferably out of Iraq. I had stayed in the prison for almost two to three weeks. I didn’t want to know any more details; I just wanted to get out of there, anyhow!

In a week or so, I had made some money and journeyed to Kuwait. I got a job there and after a month’s work I got enough money to travel home to India. The manager was a good man. He understood my situation and granted me leave. I hadn’t given my family any prior information. They still thought I was in Baghdad, and mostly that I am dead. I wanted to get home and surprise them that I was still there for them, that I would never leave them again. They had mourned over my death and I would surprise them by coming back to life again.

When I reached home and saw the gate door wide open, my heart pounded, beating against my chest. I walked slowly inside the familiar garden towards the door realizing with tears in my eyes that it was only a miracle that I was back. I had thought that I would never come home again, or see my family and that small garden ever. It was a great feeling, almost unexplainable. As I headed towards the door, it suddenly opened. I blinked to let the tears that had gathered in my eyes, fall and clear my vision… stood there, stunned, as if she had seen a ghost, my younger sister. The bag dropped from my hand as I saw her. She looked just as lovely as before. I could do nothing except spread my arms and say, "I am back!", nothing else came out of my mouth.

But in return she screamed at the top of her voice, "Bhaiiyya", and came running into my arms. I hugged her and kissed her forehead, we both were crying

Listening her scream other members of my family hastened towards the door. Their first reaction the same as my sisters, but soon they were all around me, kissing, hugging. At night I related all that had happened, and every body without exception listened intently, bewildered.

At night my mum kissed me and told me that she loved me. I said that I loved her too. I never did it before. She smiled and left.

I was in my bed again, the comfortable one, God always showers His blessings on us. He has taught us how to earn heaven hereafter. I know how it fells to be in heaven… I have lived … "amidst the zillion stars"………